Another night in bed thoughts racing, me chasing what I thought was what I wanted. I will always want. It’s human nature babies are born wanting attention and to be nurtured. I had everything I wanted. You beside me, you being strong for me; what more could I ask for? Until you were no longer there.. and I realized I had exactly what I wanted. But not what I needed… I had to lose what I wanted to gain what I needed. And what I needed only I can give myself. I was strong enough before and I’m stronger now. I needed to remember, I needed Me.
Sometimes it’s hard to remove people from your life who have been there for a long time. I recently cut ties with someone who I considered a close friend and I didn’t feel any remorse or regret. The reason that I felt nothing was because the past few months that person was acting in a way that was foreign to me. Not the person who I knew as a friend but someone who came off as they did not like to hear me succeed. Comments were made not in support but as jabs to what I worked hard for and strived to achieve. The saying “You are the company you keep” I try to be surrounded by people who will uplift, inspire,and encourage me and I was not sensing that with the “friend”. I realized that I shared so much about myself, my setbacks and goals and when I thought about how I really did not know much at all about theirs it really did strike a chord in me. What made it worse was I believe the person really did want to embarrass me or try to humiliate me because as I think back a good friend would not do the things that she did. Without divulging too much information what I can say is that things I said to this person in confidence they decided to inform a complete stranger that they did not know for all but an hour. What’s worse was it was done in front of my face and not only that but the word eager is clearly an understatement. For it to be done in front of my face to a stranger I could not help but think what else was said about me and to who? To remove someone from your life who has been in your life for over a decade some people would say it’s not the easiest to do, other would say it’s like ripping off a band-aid it hurts a bit but after sometime it gets better. For me my trust was broken and My Peace that I have been working so hard to keep and maintain was then at jeopardy if I continued to have someone who did not have good intentions in my life. I did speak about my feelings and instead of an apology which did come after I was given excuses, or in their mind justifications as to why they felt comfortable and more than willing to divulge my personal business. It was a very awkward situation for the recipient of the information because they in fact did not know me well and this was our first time hanging out as new friends. Whether I just met someone or knew them for over a decade once I lose trust in someone it is impossible for them to receive that level of trust again. It’s better to just remove them from my life and continue to move on. This is not a post to bash someone I once used to be friends with just me sharing my experience that we all have one point in our lives have went through.
Have you ever done something for someone you cared about and they received it negatively or with complaints? Yeah, me too I have given gifts or made things and I would feel terrible because the person I did those things for wasn’t appreciative of it or they received it negatively. I just came to realize on my own; You do not have to please any or everyone. If you do things for people you care about because you want to see them happy or lessen the weight on their shoulders You already did more than enough. You are not meant to do things for anyone just because. Everyone is going through things no one may know about and every kind gesture can help improve someone’s day. I just recently left a relationship that I felt like everything I did was never good enough to the point I started doubting myself. But I still kept sight of the goals I wanted to achieve as well as doing things that made me happy, such as spending time with family and friends and playing video games. When you realize your worth your outlook on everything changes dramatically. Since realizing I am more than enough I have joined the Student Newspaper at my college, made major life decisions am set to graduate, and get my degree in the following year. All that and more is because I had it in me all along it just took some time and a few obstacles to get to where I needed to be. It is so satisfying to accomplish things you always wanted to achieve it’s very rewarding and it uplifts you. Just don’t give up no matter what the obstacles are and always remember you are more than enough.